Fallen Firsts Read online

  Fallen Firsts

  Jillian Torassa

  Copyright © 2018 Jillian Torassa

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN: 1985764105

  ISBN-13: 978-1985764101

  For Peter and James

  CONTENTS

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Epilogue

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I would like to acknowledge and thank Craig, Shilah, Laura, Charlotte, and Tim for helping me proofread the final book of this series. Also, special thanks to Shilah for helping me work through the writer’s block that kept me stumped and unmotivated for way too long. Thank you for believing in me and in my story! Cover art by the talented CC Faye.

  Part One:

  The Broken

  Chapter One

  The sun crept through the curtains in my room, but I hadn’t slept. Not since I had heard about Jade’s escape from Liminis. Galilea—my First—only told me about it two days ago, but she said that Jade had been gone for a week now, and my head pulsed and ached from exhaustion. Why did she do this? How did she do it? What was she thinking?

  Meghan, it’s not your problem anymore, I had to remind myself. She made her choice.

  But that didn’t mean I wasn’t still worried about her. It was one of my greatest weaknesses, apart from my Knowledge; I cared too much about people who always seemed to let me down.

  Deciding that the pursuit of sleep was fruitless, I flung the thin blanket off my body and swung my bare feet onto the cold, wooden floor. Galilea was probably still in bed, but maybe I could do some work in the garden before she needed me. Not that there was much left to tend to; winter was late this year, but I knew that it would arrive soon.

  Regardless, I pulled on my tunic and moccasins before heading toward the back where I kept Galilea’s gardening tools. Shivering a little, I reached for the knob, opened the back door, and then jumped.

  “Good morning,” Victor said with a bright smile, his fist frozen in midair as though he was just about to knock.

  “Victor!” I beamed, opening my arms as he stepped over the threshold.

  He gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Night shift ended early, so I thought I’d stop by to see you.”

  Following him back inside, I closed the door gently against the chilly morning air. “You should go home and sleep, you know. You look tired.”

  But he just laughed quietly and headed to my room. “I know. But sleeping and interning aren’t enough. I have to spend time with you, too, Megs, or else I’ll go crazy.”

  Since he was training to be a Doctor, Victor spent almost all of his time at the clinic. It wasn’t like the old days where he’d spend years in medical school before becoming a resident and then finally a properly licensed physician a million years later. It was much more intense than that. Instead, they worked him fifteen hours a day, on the job from the beginning, and expected him to learn while he went. He was exhausted, and the dark circles under his eyes proved it.

  “Are you coming?” he called down the hallway.

  With another smile, I tiptoed after him, careful not to make too much noise. Galilea was a light sleeper, and she didn’t like when I disturbed her.

  “I need to get you a warmer blanket,” he said, already slipping under my comforter. “It’s going to be a frigid winter, I can tell. The late ones always are.”

  He held the cover up and I slid in next to him, putting my head on his shoulder and snuggling close for warmth. “Galilea will lend me one, if I ask.”

  “I know she will. But I’m your boyfriend. It’s my job to take care of you.” He kissed me again on the forehead. “Won’t you let me?”

  I laughed and patted his chest with my hand. “Whatever makes you happy, Dr. Doe.”

  We lay there as the sun grew brighter and brighter, and the air got warmer and warmer, and Victor’s breath steadied as he drifted off to sleep. I listened to his heart with my ear pressed against his chest and wondered for the millionth time if this was appropriate. Victor was no longer a Third, so he could do whatever he wanted. But I was still cursed. I hadn’t redeemed myself yet, and I didn’t deserve to feel happy and safe, curled up next to his warm body like this.

  Of course, Victor always argued that even Thirds were allowed to get married, and since he wasn’t classified, there weren’t any rules that said it couldn’t be to him. It just didn’t feel right, given my evil nature, that I should feel this content. But no one had said anything about us yet, so I sighed and pulled a little closer to him, trying not to fall in love, just in case.

  However, if I was completely honest with myself, it was already too late. I had fallen, and I would be devastated if the Council told us we couldn’t be together. It made absolutely no sense to me that Jade had never been satisfied in her relationship with Victor. After all, he was more than either of us deserved, and it was deplorable that she thought she could find someone better. For one, there wasn’t any better. For two, she was a Third and deserved nothing.

  But still. I missed her.

  I hated that I missed her.

  Too soon, Victor stretched and sighed, jostling my head a little as he woke up from his cat-nap. “Did I fall asleep?” he asked, scratching his cheek and snaking his arm around me, placing his hand on my back.

  “Oh!” I teased, smacking my hand to my forehead. “You must have. That explains the thunderous snoring.”

  He dug his fingers into my ribs, and I cringed away from his tickle, giggling.

  “Shut up, you,” he said, rolling himself on top of me for more tickling-leverage.

  “Stop!” I cried, trying to fight back as I laughed. “That’s not fair! You’re bigger than I am!”

  A knock on the bedroom door made him freeze, and he stared down into my face, unblinking. “It’s pretty early for Galilea to be up, isn’t it?”

  I had been thinking the exact same thing. With the smile gone from my face, I sat up and stared at the door, my heart pounding in my chest as I quickly deduced who the visitor could be.

  The knock sounded again. “Meghan, it’s me. Please open the door.” Galilea’s voice was muffled through the wood, but I could tell that something was wrong with her usually carefree tone.

  “Phew, it’s just Galilea.” Victor shot up and ran a hand through his hair, sounding relaxed. He and Galilea got a long very well, but couldn’t he sense that something was off?

  My legs shook a little as I rose from the bed, staring blankly at the door.

  She knocked again. “Meghan?”

  Moving slowly across the room to follow her orders, my fingers trembled as I reached for the knob. With a deep breath, I turned it, and the door swung open.

  She wasn’t alone: behind my First stood two policemen and a Doctor in a long white coat. They all had very serious expressions on their faces.

  “What’s going on?” Victor asked as he came up behind me, putting his right hand over mine, which still
clung to the brass knob.

  “Dr. Doe,” the Doctor said with his arms behind his back. “We have been monitoring your unique relationship with this Third for a while now, and we have come to the conclusion that it is unsuitable.”

  “What?” Victor scoffed and stepped in front of me. “There aren’t any statutes that—”

  “We brought the matter to the attention of the Ten Colony Council a few weeks ago, but since there are no previous cases like yours, the Ten decided to simply monitor the relationship—”

  “The Ten? I know very well who the T—”

  The Doctor lifted a hand and continued, unperturbed. “However, the Council has since decided, after careful deliberation, that it is unfit for a Third to be in a relationship with a Doctor.”

  “But—”

  “A physical relationship would be unfeasible, because we do not know what kind of offspring might be created from such a union. The Council has spoken.” He paused to glare at me in disgust. “Take her away.”

  The two policemen stepped forward, but Victor flung out his arm to protect me as my heart sprinted, panic-stricken, against my ribcage.

  “There is no statute,” he said, defying the Doctor bravely, “forbidding it. No laws have been broken. It may be inappropriate, but it is not illegal. We will stop, but you don’t need to take her to jail. Do you hear me?”

  The Doctor raised his eyebrow and scrutinized Victor’s face, while the policemen waited uncomfortably for further instructions.

  “It is the only way to ensure that improper behavior does not continue,” he said coolly.

  “Then take me, instead. If punishment must be given, I will take it. This is my fault as much as it is hers.”

  Barred from talking in front of my superiors, I grabbed Victor’s arm and squeezed as hard as I could. I wouldn’t let him do this. He couldn’t. Besides, he was already redeemed. He didn’t need to suffer anymore.

  The Doctor raised his other eyebrow and looked quickly over Victor’s shoulder at me, but he didn’t make eye contact. He then moved his gaze back to Victor’s face, and said, “I will have to take it up with the Council. Expect an update within the hour.” And with that, he turned and stormed down the hall, back into the main section of Galilea’s home with the policemen right behind him.

  Galilea looked at us sadly. “I’ll see what I can do,” she said before pivoting and hurrying after them.

  “Victor, you can’t,” I said, as soon as she disappeared.

  He turned to stare at me, taking my shoulders in his hands and bending down to look me in the eye. “I love you, Meghan Amicus. I won’t let them hurt you.”

  I stared into his beautiful grey eyes, tears starting to burn my own. That was the first time he told me that he loved me. “You heard what they said. It’s not appropriate, and I need to be punished for my wrongdoings.”

  With a low growl, he grabbed me and pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. “I was at fault, too. Please, let me talk to them.”

  The tears finally freed themselves and cascaded down my cheeks as I sobbed into his shoulder. “But—”

  “Shh, it’s okay. I’ll talk to them. I promise.”

  His hand stroked my back, but I already missed him. “What can you possibly say?”

  “I don’t know. But we didn’t break the law. They’ll understand that. They’ll see reason.”

  Even if they don’t take me to jail, I can’t be with you. I’ve lost you either way. These thoughts filled every corner of my mind with a deafening, maddening roar, but I couldn’t utter the words. Not through the sobs that raked my throat.

  I knew this had been coming. It was inevitable. But I hadn’t been prepared for the pain. I hadn’t been prepared to lose him forever. An empty, dark, Victor-less future loomed before my eyes, filling me with absolute terror that crushed my chest with a powerful, icy grip that would never relinquish. I had waited for him for so long, and our time together had been so short. It wasn’t fair.

  It just wasn’t fair.

  ---

  The Doctor came back within the hour, like he promised, and asked me to come to the police station with him. Victor had gone, so I was scared, but I followed him to the police car that was parked in Galilea’s driveway anyway.

  I was unsure of what would happen next, but it was my duty to do as I was told.

  “I’m sorry, Meghan,” Galilea said as I slid into the backseat. “I did everything I could.”

  I tried to smile at her, but when the Doctor slammed the door, my tear ducts started to sting again. I had never been to the police station before. I had never been in trouble before; this was Jade’s area of expertise. If she were here, at least she could tell me what to expect.

  A shiver ran up my spine, the unknown making my stomach swirl with terror. Where was Victor? Did he speak to them, like he promised? I was sure he had, but it seemed as though his efforts had been fruitless. Were they going to torture me? Lock me up for the night? For thirty nights? There wasn’t a specific statute about our situation, so I wasn’t sure how serious my crime had been. I wouldn’t let myself cry, though. That was one thing I was sure of.

  The Doctor started the car and we flew forward. As it is prone to do, time sped up as we drove toward the station, and all too soon, the engine stopped again. A policeman opened my door and dragged me into the weak winter sunshine. Yanking my arms behind my back, he tightened a pair of handcuffs around my wrists, and my hands shook.

  “Room 14,” the Doctor said, climbing out of the car and marching into the station without a backward glance.

  The policemen complied, towing me behind as he followed the Doctor into the dark building.

  Room 14 was utterly unremarkable. The walls were grey, the floors were a matching porcelain tile, and a single very bright light dangled from the middle of the ceiling. The policeman shoved me into a chair that was pushed up against the wall, facing the door, and disappeared, leaving me alone with my nerves.

  There was only one other chair in the room, and I stared at it to distract myself, jumping when the door slammed open again.

  “In here, please,” the Doctor commanded, pointing at the empty chair across from me.

  He was talking to Victor.

  My heart beat frantically against my throat as tears threatened to spill down my cheeks.

  “And this will fulfill the demands of the law?” Victor asked before stepping inside the room.

  “Yes, as we agreed.”

  “Fine.”

  You aren’t supposed to be here! I screamed at him inside my head. What do you think you’re doing? I told you not to try and save me!

  He kept his eyes glued to my face as he took a seat across from me, and I silently pleaded for him to get up and walk away.

  “I talked to them,” he said quietly and calmly, ignoring the Doctor. “This was the only way they’d listen.”

  My eyes widened in terror as a huge Second entered the room, carrying a large, leather whip in his massive hands.

  “Twenty strikes with you watching. That’s all they want.”

  I shook my head, biting my lip to keep my screams inside.

  “It’s not so bad,” he said, but his eyes were filled with fear.

  “Take off your shirt,” the giant ordered, taking off his own coat to expose a pair of hairy, club-like arms.

  Victor obeyed, his hands shaking a little as he undid the buttons. “I’m sorry you have to see this.” His voice was barely a whisper now. “But it was the only way to keep you from harm.”

  I wanted to shout. I wanted to fling myself at the Second and scratch out his eyes. Unfamiliar anger boiled through my veins, and I hated how it felt. My voice, forbidden to escape my lips, tore at my throat from the inside, and my hands clutched the sides of my chair as Victor removed his shirt.

  “Stand up, and put your hands on the wall,” the Second ordered.

  The Doctor watched calmly, leaning against the wall to my right.

  “Don’t move.” The S
econd flung the chair out of the way and got in position, his arm raised.

  “Twenty lashes,” the Doctor repeated.

  The muscles on Victor’s dark back tensed.

  I couldn’t stand it. A hot tear escaped from each eye as I closed them both tightly, refusing to watch.

  “You should take note,” the Doctor’s voice was low and dangerous, “that every strike you fail to view counts as no strike at all.”

  My eyes flew open.

  He chuckled in approval. “You may begin.”

  Before I was ready, there was a loud snap, and the whip made contact with his back.

  Snap! No yell escaped his lips.

  Snap! An angry, thick line blossomed over his skin and his knees buckled a little.

  Snap! His fists clenched against the wall, and I could only imagine his face, screwed up in pain.

  Snap! With every fallen stroke, the tears ran freely down my cheeks.

  Snap! He fell to his knees.

  Snap! His skin ripped open.

  Snap! The blood began to drip and ooze down his back.

  Snap! An almost imperceptibly small moan finally escaped his throat.

  Snap!

  “That’s ten. Half-way there.”

  I glanced up through my tears to find the Doctor watching me with an almost hungry look on his face.

  “I hope you will never allow yourself to experience inappropriate pleasure again,” he whispered, his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t like to see another Doctor suffer, even if he has been a fool.”

  Victor is not a fool, I growled, even though the words never left my tongue. You are the fool.

  “Leave her alone,” Victor said from his kneeling position, his voice shaky and muffled. “A reprimand from you was not part of our agreement.”

  The Doctor snorted, uncrossed his arms, and slipped his hands into his deep pockets. “Very well. Continue.”

  Snap!

  Victor was on his hands and knees, blood pouring onto the floor.

  This was not justice. Victor did not deserve to be beaten. The Council was wrong. And if they were wrong about this, what else were they wrong about?